Falling Apart
by Ree
Summary: A Kensuke songfic to "The Swing" by Everclear. Fairly deep, you have to think introspectively to fully understand this. PG-13 for a few cuss words.


Falling Apart

  
  
  


Staring out into the ocean, Daisuke barely heard the voice beside him.   
"Daisuke? Are you okay?"   
Because his thoughts had been interrupted, he responded harshly than intended. "It's really none of your business, Ken!"   
"I-I'm sorry…I just wanted to know if I could help."   
The redhead sighed.   
"No I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so rude…I mean really. It's not illegal to ask a question or anything."   
"Are you okay?"   
"No I'm not, but you wouldn't know anything about that, now would you?"   
Taken aback, Ken just blinked.   
"Stop trying to act all innocent Ken! You know you aren't and you haven't been for a long time. There's no way you could be after the things you did in the Digital World."   


  


_Never said I was innocent,_   
_I will burn in Hell for the things I've done to you._   
_Never said I was anything good,_   
_I should die from the shame for what I put you through._   


  


"I never said that I **was** innocent Davis! And I thought you had forgiven me for all the things I did as the Emperor."   
"I…I have. I'm just not havin a good day."   
"What's been bad about it?"   
"What's it to you?"   
"I-I just want to make up for all the things I've done…I want to make your life better."   


  


_Lemme be the one to bring us back from the dead._   
_I will take the blame for everything._   
_You know I just wanna help you forget._   


"What?"   
"I know that both of us…well all the digidestined…are still living fragile lives. We could break at any second, like glass breaks so easily. I just want to be the one there to make sure you don't break. And if you do break, I want to be the one to put the pieces back together. It's kinda funny…I mean the same shit keeps happening to us, to all of us over and over again."   
Daisuke just stared at him, and Ken continued.   
"No one else has really realized this. And if they have, they haven't accepted it because no one seems to realize how confused you are, how desperate you are to be respected and accepted. They only see what they want to see…they only hear what they want to hear. They barely listen to the things you say, much less the things you don't say."   


_We are still livin' on broken glass,_   
_We are still laughin cause it just keeps happenin._   
_All your friends they can kiss my ass,_   
_They only see the simple things that they wanna see._

  


"What do you want, Ken?"   
"I want to be the one to take away all your pain…to make sure you're okay. Trust me, I'm a different person now…"   
"So?"   
"You may not like it, but I'm gonna do something. I'm finally getting a chance to help you, and I'm not just gonna sit around and do nothing."   
"Why not?"   
"I'm not like everybody else, Dai, haven't you figured that out yet?"   


  


_Lemme be the one to make the pain go away._   
_Shave my skin, show a brand new face._   
_You know I just wanna know that you're okay._   
_You don't have to like it but the swing is in my hands now._

  


"You may think that I don't know what it's like to be in constant mental pain. But that isn't true, Dai."   
"Yeah, you just have so much power and you're perfect…of course you have pain!" Daisuke screamed sarcastically.   
"The power may be better than almost anything, but the only thing better is letting everything go and just giving up on myself."   


  


_Sometimes... I think... the power is better than a hearthrug._   
_Sometimes... I think... the power is better than anything._   
_Sometimes... I think... letting go is just like giving up._   


  


Confusion crept over Daisuke's face. "What?" he asked, not sure of the answer he would receive.   
"I know what it's like to be in your position…"   
"My position?"   
"Yeah, your position."   
"And…uh, exactly what **is** my position?"   
"Hating the assholes who torment you, hating the way life isn't fair, hating the world, hating yourself. Wanting to die…"   
Daisuke's face went as white as a sheet.   
"But…your life is perfect. Why would you want to die? Hell, my life is meaningless…but you, you're going somewhere."   
"Then why is it that sometimes all I can think about is the day I die?"   
Looking into Ken's eyes, Daisuke realized that he wasn't joking. The intensity in them made his blood run cold.   


  


_Sometimes all I think I wanna do is die inside,_   
_All I wanna do is die inside,_   
_All I ever think about is you and me falling apart._

  


"Ken…you can't think like that. You have too much going for you."   
"Yeah, I have such a bright future, don't I?"   
"Yeah…you do."   
"Yeah it's so bright but what about my past? You said it yourself, what about all the shit I've done in the past? How do you think it feels to wake up and think about all the mistakes you've made and what a failure you are? Huh?"   
"It feels like shit. Sometimes it's all you can think of…it makes you insane until you can't handle your life, until you hate yourself. You happy now?"   


  


_Never said I was innocent,_   
_I will burn in Hell for the things I've done to you._   
_Never said I was anything good,_   
_Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na_

  


Silence screamed in their ears as no one spoke for minutes.   
"I think we have more in common than either of us realize…"   
"No kidding," Daisuke murmured as he looked away form Ken.   
"Please, Dai…let me help make the pain go away…I just want to make sure you're okay-"   
"But what about you, Ken? I care about you just like you care about me, even though it may not seem that way."   
Shock was the only expression that Daisuke could read from Ken's normally expressionless face.   


  


_Lemme be the one to make the pain go away._   
_Shave my skin, show a brand new face._   
_You know I just wanna know you're okay._

  


"We're already dead inside Ken. We need to come back and live again. Both of us, not just me. Let me help you forget about your past and all the things you did."   


  


_Lemme be the one to bring us back from the dead,_   
_I will take the blame for everything._   
_I just wanna help you forget._

  


"But I can't let go of the past."   
"Why not?"   
"It's like giving up…"   
"So? Isn't that what we're doing?"   
As Ken's features became overwhelmed with confusion, Daisuke managed the first genuine smile he had smiled in weeks.   
"I know we feel the same way."   
Still bewildered, Ken looked deep into Daisuke's eyes, seeing empathy, courage, kindness, and hope.   
"Sometimes, all I think about is falling apart. But maybe…just maybe, that's a good thing."   
Daisuke's voice lowered to a whisper as a tear rolled down his cheek.   
"Because at least if I fell apart…if either of us fell apart…then there'd always be someone there to pick up the pieces."   


  


_Sometimes..._   
_I think..._   
_Letting go is just like giving up…_   
_Sometimes all I think about is falling apart…_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Well…that was my first Kensuke…did you like it? Not **true** romance but it's implied. A lot of implied…_stuff_ is in this. This is true angst…and not a suicide fic either because there are too many nowadays in the angst section that make no sense…and I've written too many suicide fics anyway. Flames will be laughed at…especially anonymous flames because all they show is how cowardly you are. If you're going to flame, at least sign in and have some guts. Review if you want…I'm not stopping you.   



End file.
